


Harbored Feelings

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-17 21:52:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

He’d honestly never expected this.

For so long, Morgan had harbored feelings for his best friend, Spencer Reid. At first, the images in his mind started out fairly innocently, like going to a baseball game together or teaching Reid how to surf, which he thought would be hysterical, but then the images morphed into something else entirely, and he had no idea what to do with them. Now, the images that plagued him day in and day out were much harder to deny, much harder to push off as platonic, because these weren’t “friendly” at all. Imaging Spencer’s lips on his brought him a peace and comfort he hadn’t known existed. The problem was that Morgan had never imagined himself attracted to a man, and he didn’t know how to reconcile how he grew up with how he was currently feeling, so he pushed it all to the back of his mind.

And now it was too late.

Spencer was involved with someone. It would’ve been difficult for Morgan whether he’d started dating a man or a woman, but for some reason, the fact that he was seeing a man for the first time in his life as well, made it all that much more difficult for Morgan. 

Although Morgan felt no attraction to Spencer’s boyfriend, Luke Alvez, he was able to acknowledge a good-looking man when he saw one, and Luke was definitely handsome. And Spencer was whole-heartedly smitten.

Morgan was too late, and now he found himself in a position he never imagined - heartbroken over the lost possibility of love with the only man he’d ever had feelings for. 

Going into work was going to suck today - like it did every day at this point. Nearly four months ago, the team had been called to a case in the Bronx, where Spencer met Luke and sparks flew; he could see it the second they locked eyes and Morgan instantly knew it was too late for him to say anything. After leaving the Bronx, having completed a successful case, Luke asked Spencer for his number and the two had been seeing each other ever since. 

The relationship grew more and more serious as the time went by, with Luke even considering transferring to the DCPD so they could stop dating long-distance; it was unbelievably hard, but they made it work. Even if Luke wasn’t able to move, Morgan could see they were solid. 

As long as they were in the office and not out on a case, Spencer called Luke nearly every day. For everyone else, seeing their Boy Genius so happy was all they could’ve ever hoped for, so there was no problem - Hotch even smiled when he saw Spencer calling his boyfriend, the smile on his face such a long time coming, but for Morgan it had gotten to the point where he was waking up every morning with interrupted dreams of him and Spencer together. Today was no different. He woke up in a cold sweat. Spencer’s lips had been on his shoulder blades, an almost featherlight touch that left Morgan breathless. And then he’d woken up.

Monday morning again. As he hopped in the shower and got dressed for work, he dreaded having to go in. His and Spencer’s desk were situated across from each other, so he was going to have to watch yet again as the man he fell in love with called his boyfriend in New York. 

The morning slogged on like he was walking through quicksand, but he was quickly tugged out of it when he saw Spencer already sitting on his desk on the phone with Luke. “Actually, I do know that answer,” Spencer said, causing Morgan to smile despite the feelings raging in his brain. Spencer knew everything. “China is the country that has the most borders, touching 14 countries: India, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Russia, North Korea, Vietnam, Laos, Myanmar, Bhutan and Nepal.” Spencer rattled off the countries like he was giving his coffee order. After all these years, Morgan never ceased to be in awe of the amount of knowledge Spencer’s brain could hold. How had they even gotten on that topic?

As he sat at his desk, he motioned to Spencer with a drinking motion, basically asking if he’d had a cup of coffee. In turn, Spencer tilted his coffee cup towards Morgan. He’d had a cup of coffee already, but he could always use more, so Morgan grabbed his cup and headed over to the coffee machine to refill Spencer’s cup and grab one of his own. 

“So you don’t think you’re going to be able to move up right now?” Spencer asked. Morgan hated hearing only one end of the conversation; he was nosy, especially concerning Spencer and his relationship. “We’ll figure it out,” Spencer said. He was trying to inject levity into his voice, but Morgan could tell it was forced. Spencer was severely disappointed; he’d probably be cranky and on edge all day today, and Morgan didn’t really blame him.

It was in that moment, hearing Spencer so sad and dejected, that he realized he wanted Luke to move down here. That meant Spencer would be happy, which in the end, was all Morgan really wanted for him. Sure, he wished he’d had the courage to confess his feelings to Spencer, but if Morgan couldn’t be with him, he still deserved to be happy. 

Spencer hung up the phone as Morgan came back over with a cup of coffee. “Bad news?” 

“Yea,” Spencer shrugged. “Luke can’t move just yet. He’s not sure if he’ll even be able to move soon. His mother is sick now.” Spencer rubbed his temples and rested his head in his hands. Morgan felt horrible for him. 

“It’ll all work out,” Morgan said, both for Spencer and for himself. As a child, Morgan’s mother used to sing to him. Que Sera, Sera was a staple. Whatever will be, will be. “If it’s meant to work out, it will. You two seem really good together, so I’m sure it’ll work out eventually.”

Spencer gave him a strained smile, appreciating the comforting words even if he didn’t totally believe them himself. “I hope so. I really want this to work out.”

“I want it to work out,” Morgan replied quickly, realizing that the words had come out genuinely. He really did; he wanted Spencer to be happy, with or without him. If it was without him, he just needed to take time to get over it. “Just know that if it doesn’t, you aren’t alone, okay?”

“Thanks, Morgan,” Spencer replied before taking a long sip of his coffee. “And thanks for the coffee.” The two exchanged pleasantries for a few more moments after which Morgan returned to his desk. 

For a while, he’d been debating whether or not to tell Spencer about his feelings, even though he was with Luke, but he couldn’t do that to him. First and foremost, he wanted Spencer to be happy, so he’d hope for the best in his relationship with Luke, and if it didn’t work out, he’d figure out what to do then, but until that point, he’d move on himself. He’d go on dates, and allow thoughts of Spencer to fade away to the back of his mind as best he could.

Because it wasn’t about his own desperation for Spencer to know about the feelings that lay within his mind. It was about Spencer being happy. He’d been through hell and back twice over, and he was finally happy. No matter how much it hurt him, Morgan wasn’t about to ruin that for him. His harbored feelings would stay just that, walled up behind a shaky dam, ready to give way at any moment.


	2. Chapter 2

“What’s up, kid?” Morgan asked when he walked into the Bureau that morning. “You look unusually happy today.”

As soon as Spencer turned around in his chair, Morgan could see the answer to his friend’s happiness all over his face. His young friend was smiling ear-to-ear and his eyes sparkled with the promises of what was to come. Luke was finally able to move to DC. It had been four months since Morgan had decided he was going to attempt to move on from his feelings for Spencer - and he’d been doing a pretty okay job if he did say so himself. 

On nights when he wanted to stay home and wallow in self-pity, he’d force himself to go out and mingle with people. If Emily or Garcia wanted to hang out, he’d make himself do so just so that he wouldn’t dwell on what couldn’t be. After about a month, he seemed to have pulled himself out of his own head. Watching Spencer talk with Luke didn’t hurt as much anymore. Morgan had even gotten to a point where he could ask Spencer how Luke was doing and he felt pretty okay. “I am really happy,” Spencer said. “Luke finally has his mom situated in a really good facility up there. His brother and sister are going to be staying in New York, so they’ll be able to be nearby if anything happens, which means Luke can finally move to DC.”

“That’s awesome!” Morgan replied quickly, turning his head to hide his face after realizing that he’d definitely exclaimed a little too enthusiastically. “Is he going to be moving in with you?”

“Yea,” Spencer said as he looked down at his desk, a slight blush coming to his cheeks. “Long-distance was better than nothing, but I’m so glad he can finally move here.”

The conversation died down shortly after as both of them needed to get to work, but Morgan found himself contemplating what he’d just heard. Though he’d been moving on, this brought things back up to the surface. It was happening whether he wanted it to or not, so he was going to have to find a way to deal with it.

Easier said than done, but it had to be done.

—-

Luke moved down the following month, and honestly Morgan could see that Spencer had never looked happier. Everyone from the BAU, Morgan included, helped Luke move his things into Spencer’s apartment.

As boxes were brought in one by one, Luke and Spencer would sneak kisses behind them, laughing and smiling among the hoots of hollers of the members of the BAU. Morgan had been dreading going to help Luke move in, but everyone else, even Rossi were going to help (he brought Scotch of course), so Morgan felt weird not going. He figured the reason why he didn’t would be obvious, so he’d forced himself to go. 

In all honesty, he was glad he’d forced himself. Normalizing seeing them together would go a long way to making him feel better. Spencer was so undeniably happy; how could he be mad? “How are you doing?” Hotch asked, pulling to the side of Spencer’s apartment where Morgan was leaning up with a drink. “Everything okay?”

“Yea,” he said. Morgan had no idea where the concern came from. He was just taking a break. Did he look like he was dying? “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Hotch glanced almost imperceptibly toward Spencer and Luke. Morgan was about to deny it, but he knew better than to lie to Hotch; he always knew. “Yea, I’m okay…they look really happy. I’ll take this as a lesson and move on. I want him to be happy.”

“They do look stupidly happy,” Hotch said, smiling to himself as Spencer peeked out from the kitchen and snapped a rubber band in Luke’s direction. “It’s about time he had that kind of happiness.”

Did Morgan wish he’d said something to Spencer sooner so that they might’ve had a chance together? Yes. He definitely did. But the point was that he hadn’t and Spencer, one of his best friends in the world, was with someone else now. If Morgan couldn’t make peace with that, he’d lose his best friend and possibly the job he loved if he truly couldn’t take it, so he had to move on - focus on the positives instead. “Exactly. Sometimes I wish things had turned out differently,” he said out of the side of his mouth in an attempt to conceal their conversation from everyone else, “But they didn’t and I want him to be happy.”

Both Hotch and Morgan looked around while the rest of the team and Luke brought up another couple of boxes. Morgan couldn’t help but notice the rest of the team giving him glances every now and then, their smiles comforting rather than joyous, as if they knew. He’d never spoken his feelings for Spencer out loud, but it was possible they already knew how he felt. Everyone except Spencer of course - he never had a clue when people were looking at him, even when they were on cases and prostitutes were checking him out. 

“Do you think Spencer knows?” Morgan asked Hotch.

He immediately shook his head. “Does he ever?”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

After another small drink, Hotch and Morgan went back to helping the others with the remaining boxes. It took them another 30 minutes to bring up the rest of the boxes. Spencer wanted to start unloading everything, so excited that his boyfriend was finally there, but everyone else was so tired that they decided to go out to dinner instead. Luke grabbed the keys to Spencer’s car and went down to start it. Everyone else followed closely behind, leaving Morgan and Spencer as the last two out the door. “Thanks for helping today,” Spencer said. 

“Of course, man,” Morgan replied. “I’m here whenever you need me.”

Spencer smiled, pulling on his jacket. 

As they walked out of the apartment, Morgan clapped Spencer on the shoulder. A romance would probably never be, but being his best friend and confidant was just as good.


End file.
